hello...

like the new layout? I would really like to put a ryden in here..fountain or that one with the little girls head crying blood...but alas i lack in gold membership...oh well. I really wish that the bottom thinger just wasnt there. and that i could change the color of the side things...but you cant. theyre little image links and i was reading the FAQ...you just cant change it....danmit but im definatly a HUGE fan of the monotype corsiva...

lol...josh was a perverse today ingraph arts ^_^ plus...we made furniture porn. lol, Kara and I made a plan for a certain somone of what their life will be like at the age of 50. It involves beastality....so all in all...today was good. Last night got out of hand. I dont wanna talk about it. there was somthing i wrote last night that I wanted to put in, but I can barely read it with out getting really upset, so lets not do that, mmmk?I dont feel like being upset. I want this to stop. I dont want to wear the happy mask anymore. but its getting harder and harder to take it off. that doesnt mean that Im getting better, it means that its going to harder for people to actually believe me. my whole problem is self-worth and what i do and dont deserve. Ive had that problem as long as i can remeber. I deserved that night in eighth grad at my dads house. I deserve this pain. I dont deserve to feel better. I dont deserve to have friends. Im getting doubtful of a lot of things in my life. I cant stand this. I want this to go away. I have no right to feel this way. no fucking reason or right. damnit, just shut up I'm getting really tired of these fucking mood swngs. they arent normal swings. they happen every few years. 6 feet under(almost) in 6th grade...up 7th, higher 8th, wonderful 9th...dropping at an increasing rate 10th. i dont wanna go back! I dont want to talk about it with a stranger that encourages me to feel taxidermy. I hated her. I dont want to go back. Ill make myself better. Its all going to be okay. everythings going to be fine...

wish you well