I really don't like these sessions anymore, and I have another on the 31st. Then again on the 5th.

I know I know, I've been wanting this for soooo long. But those god damned memories. I really can't handle this. Someone told the guidance office that my father raped me. THAT IS A LIE. HE NEVER EVEN LIKED ME, HE AVOIDED ME IN FACT. HE WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THAT.

yes, he was always drunk and yelling, yes he hated his life and mum, yes he was a total fucking bastard. BUT HE NEVER DID THAT jesus, hes barely comfortable hugging me. And I really don't trust anybody because of it, everytime he said he would stop. And then a week later he would end up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning. And forget all of it and think I was in 3rd grade instead of 6. He missed birthdays and forgets anything I tell him. He makes promises he knows he can't ever keep. He is part of the reason I'm the way I am. And you know what I truely and passionatly hate him all of my being. I can't stand the thought of him. He is dead to me. I don't think anything could ever really change that. He could have been a good person,a good father if had just put down that fucking bottle of vodka for 5 seconds and listened and cared and maybe said something encouraging once and a while. He missed my first recital with a realy dance company. He missed my first middle school Choir Concert. He showed up late to my 6th rade graduation. And then he has the fucking nerve to tell me that he loves me and that he'll stop but thats bullshit,fucking nonsence and empty promises and stale words floating from vodka breath. Yes, I have a few good memories, and I will cherish them, but I really hate everything else hes ever done to me emotionally. I can't trust because of him, I can't believe anyone. I think everybody lies when they say they like me or I can trust them. There are only 3 people in the world that I trust. One of them betrayed it.

But its okay, because I'm happy. I'm always happy.

wish you well