I took Dori for a walk around the back yard. There were a few birds in the brush and I thought she might like to see them, you know kind of bark at them or whatever dogs seem to do when encountered with small animals.

But there was an injured bird amongst the others.

Dori ran over to it before I could tell her not to.

It died in my hands.

I was the last thing it saw on earth.

do you realize how emotionally shattering that is? To be the last thing any living thing sees, ever? It looked straight into my eyes. It died with its eyes open. I ran back to the house to get a shovel so I could bury it. Its buried under some low hanging shrubs. I said a prayer for it. And sang to it. But I just couldnt put the dirt over its body. Its took me Half and hour to to do it. I buried it in the natural position(like that of if it were in its egg). It was a female. She probably had babies. I let their mother die. I feel like the worst person in the world. I cant stop crying. I am responsible for the death of an innocent bird. She was so soft. And warm, and alive when I held her. She had a little purple on her beak because she just finished a blackberry. There was actually one next to its head. It breathed its last breath IN MY HANDS. I could have prevented this. Its all my fault.

I remeber this one time, my father was telling me about how one of his co-workers accidently hit a deer while he was in the car. My father was the last thing the deer saw. He was decribing it through tears and I was like 'Oh yeah, big deal'. It really isnt until its happened to you. She was so frail and beautiful. And young. She died to soon. I killed her.

I hate this.

wish you well