so yesterday...was...quite wendsday-ish to say the least...we showed paul with love and red lipstick(tweaks was orange, but we love her none the less)then applied coverup to ryan(who actually quite good at it)and paul. who was much too tan for my shade.but anyways, after aniles and the mini cuddle fest in the corner of a booth(where paul stroked my leg)and alex pointed out the sexuality in the group and tweak called her mum a(and i quote)"FUCKING BITCH!" paul and ryan went home together. the little rabbits.and then today was quite thursdayish. i awoke to find my self sprawled on the couch with a cat on my head and the clock read 5:29. @_# then i fell back asleep(after removing the cat)until around nine, only because mom wanted to watch the parade with me. so while i quietly sketched she ooohed and ahhhed at the same damn floats theyve had every year. yet the hosts get increasingly annoying. but anyways, after that i went upstairs to clean and found 20 dollars! whee!and played the violin(not our violin, the actual instrument, lol) and my skills havny been lost in the 2 1/2 years since ive played it. the G and E strig are missing though, but D and A are the important ones and i just played down an octave. its amazing how quickly somthing drilled into your head repeatedly for years can resurface. for those of you who havnt seen the writing page its here yes, here i really like the way the links turned out. they look very nice.

somthing bad happened on Wednsday but I cant remember what. I just remember cold and Kari being there.despite my little Kari being there to console me for the bad thing that happened which i dont know yet. i dont know what i even did then, i just remember being in graphic arts and then wham im in a bathroom stall saying "can we go back?" the rest is a blur and I all I remember is cold. lots of cold.not like "its cold outside" kind of cold, but like an icy metal rod being shoved down your spine and through your limbs.

let me explain my memory prosess quickly *ahem*

somthing bad happens (whether it be an episode, a fight, whatever) and all i can remember is the minutes bfore it happens, how i felt during it and the after math. I can remember somthing really bad happening. but I dont know what.

but obviously whatever happened in the bathroom helped because i was okay after words(thank you for whatever it is you did, i really appriciate it)

i guess what led to the BTON(bad thing on Wednsday) was because of the doctors. I dont like her. and she kept on talking and damnit i didnt want to think about it.Im just now trying to sort out what happened during my childhood.something happened,i wouldnt be this way if it was a happy time I'm tired. good night

wish you well